Random Thoughts from a Troubled Mind

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The thoughts below were written while I was in the throes of depression and are pretty scary things.  It's amazing how something like a simple imbalance of chemicals in the brain can cloud judgment and fill a person with such despair. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing these types of thoughts, seek help from a physician immediately. 

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I've been feeling such a cold loneliness lately.  It's like a cold winter wind has embraced me and has chilled me to the bone.  Has death already claimed my soul and my body hasn't realized it yet?  I fear my heart will never be warm again...

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So many incoherent thoughts rushing through my head.  God I wish I could turn them off.  I try to think of reasons why not...but my head fills with reason why to... 

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I used to believe in dreams . . . then I woke up to face the cold, gray morning of reality alone.

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Hope . . . please . . . Hope

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My heart and soul are heavy with this burden of sadness I seem destined to carry.  I cry out in the night...but no one hears my pain...
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I'm the invisible woman . . . an unperson. Not living, only existing.

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I do not matter to anyone.

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Fine . . . I'll be fine, really.

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I am smothering. Buried alive in a grave of sadness and there is no escape.
 

 

Hell is a hopeless place . . .my soul in torment

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I put on a mask and outwardly pretend nothing is wrong . . . but I'm dyin' inside.

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I want to run far away. Don't want to be me anymore. Please, don't make me be me anymore.
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At times, my greatest fear is me.
 

Black thoughts. Don't want to think anymore. Can't stop this vortex in my mind. Thoughts of death, unwanted, uninvited, force their way into my consciousness. Go away . . . go away...leave me be, I cry.

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If I can only make it to the border . . .
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Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my life to take.
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It's okay . . . it really doesn't matter to me.  I'm fine...really.

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Profound and utter aloneness. When death answers my plea . . . will I be missed? 
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No one really understands the torment of my soul. It's not life that I want to escape...but the pain I feel. I just want it to end.

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I am fading into the mist....a little more each day. One day, I will be no more. God, I only pray that where I'm going there will be no pain...no memories....only blessed forgetfulness.
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